Why is it So Hard to Love Ourselves?

Loving ourselves does not come easily for many of us, and yet self-love is the foundation of
resilience. The only person you will be with for the entirety of your life from birth to death is you.
There will be many others sharing the journey of life with you but only you will be there through all
of your experiences. It makes sense then that if you can get good at loving yourself you will set
yourself up to be able to support yourself in healthy ways through life’s ups and downs.
Furthermore, a by-product of loving and appreciating yourself is that you will naturally attract others
who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
Let’s consider why it is so hard to love ourselves and why it does not come naturally for many of us.
When we come into the world, we are love. Pure love. You only need to look into a baby’s eyes to
see that. Then an event occurs and we experience emotions other than love for the first time. It
might be that a parent takes a toy from us or raises their voice at us. We feel love has been
withdrawn and we experience negative emotions such as sadness or fear as a consequence. We then
start to take on a belief that we are flawed in some way or unlovable. It is worth noting too that our
individual level of emotional sensitivity dictates the extent to which experiences, both positive and
negative, impact us.
We take on our parents conditioning and therefore, our outlook on life including beliefs about
ourselves will often be similar to our parents’ beliefs. This is not about blaming our parents for the
way we feel about ourselves, as they were always doing the best they could with the awareness,
knowledge and understanding they had at the time. Rather, this is about shining a light on factors
which contribute to the way we view ourselves which in turn, effects how we experience the world.
When we feel that we are unworthy of attaining a partner, job, good health or something else that
we would like in our life, it is very unlikely we will attain it easily because our default is to act in ways
that correspond to how we feel about ourselves. Therefore, we will stay in jobs we hate, won’t ask
that person out on a date etc because we don’t believe we will be successful. We quit before we
have dared to even begin.
Furthermore, people’s behaviour toward us will often mirror how we view ourselves. Therefore, if
we have low self-esteem it is not uncommon to be caught in a cycle of attracting people into our
space that verify our limited view of ourselves and thus we find ourselves perpetuating an unwanted
cycle of self-loathing.
The good news is you can break out of this cycle with awareness. Being willing to see yourself as
worthy regardless of what past experiences have taught you is the first step. Understanding that you
have learned you’re unworthy through other people who struggled to see their own worth, is
liberating.
You are free to reclaim your worth.
The ball is in your court. You can transform your life with the healing power of your own love when
you are willing to commit to yourself and take the steps. By deliberately taking action to love
yourself by doing what you need to do to heal your life, including asking for help when you need it
and softening judgement of yourself, you’re on your way.
If you would like to delve deep into learning how to love yourself more and learn how to release
negative experiences which prevent you from seeing your worth, I’m available at Prana House on
Wednesday evenings for one to one healing sessions.
With love and blessings,
Cindy Melksham
Energy Healer & Empowerment Coach
www.affirmyourpower.com.au