It’s always a great debate, and one that elicits some very strong opinions and emotions. Are men and women born radically different, or is it our environment that shapes who we become? Are men really from Mars and women from Venus? The truth, of course, is a bit of both, though the degrees will always be unmeasurable.
Personally, I am in the camp that says that men and women are naturally significantly different, though our environment also plays a large part in determining how our masculine and feminine sides are developed. Because whether we are male or female we all have masculine and feminine aspects of our personality and physiology. To what degree though varies from person to person. As a rule men at their core are masculine, and women at their core are feminine. However it is estimated that approximately 8% of women are masculine at their core, and 8% of men are feminine at their core.
How our masculinity and femininity affects our relationships is significant. The masculine is very focused and direct, whereas the feminine is very encompassing and aware of what is happening around it. It is these polarities that draw us together, complement each other, and provide an opportunity to develop ourselves in many different ways. However they are also often the cause of much frustration in relationships, and in life in general, especially if we only look at the behaviour through our own interpretation of how things should be done.
‘The masculine is very focused and direct, whereas the feminine is very
encompassing and aware of what is happening around it’
It is only in recent years that we have begun to get a better understanding of the differences of the male and female brains. The size, the structure, and the connections within the brains of males and females are consistently being shown to be quite different in many new scientific studies. There is always debate on how accurate these studies are, and whether there is bias involved, but there is clearly enough evidence now to say with some certainty that we are born with different wiring that guides our behaviours throughout our lives.
For example, it has been shown that females have 11% more neurons than males in the language and hearing centres of the brain. As a result women have a more acute sense of hearing, and a stronger ability to determine the nuances of emotion in someone’s voice. This is an essential skill in child rearing, and one that women are more naturally attuned to. I also find this a consistent source of frustration with couples who come to see me. The woman more often than not is exasperated with her partner’s lack of attention, and seeming inability to interpret the intentions of her words and emotions.
However this is not necessarily simply the man being difficult. A study in the Netherlands monitored the brain patterns of over 100 males and females between the ages of 17-27 while listening to a combination of music and white noise. The findings showed that females had an intense reaction to both the music and the white noise, however whilst the males had a similar intense reaction to the music, they almost completely detached from the white noise. There was little brain activity at all, as though they didn’t even hear it, indicating that men naturally are able to switch off any noise that they unconsciously determine is not important to them in that moment.
I’m sure there are many women reading this silently nodding their head in agreement, having much experience with their male partners seemingly switching off at will. Truly listening is a skill that many men are not strong in, and one that I often need to address with my male clients. Like any skill it is something that can be learnt, but it takes practice. Similarly I often have to work with their female partners to encourage them to speak in smaller blocks of dialogue, and to ensure they have the full attention of their partner if they have something important to say.
This, of course, is a generalisation and not true of all couples. I have had clients where the opposite is true. But they are rare. Other factors such as the family environment we grow up in and the culture we are exposed to also have a large effect on our behaviours. But the bottom line is men and women are different in many, many ways (just as we are similar in many ways also), and whilst this is generally a good thing, it can lead to all sorts of issues in a relationship if not properly understood and accommodated.
I am a strong believer that these differences are significant and important. But I also believe that we shouldn’t use them as an excuse for disrespecting or not meeting the needs of our partners. We are all capable of learning and improving in any area that our relationships are deficient in. And if our partner can see that we are making an effort to improve, that alone can transform a formerly stagnant relationship into something beautiful again.
Book your COMPLIMENTARY Relationship Check-up with Matt in the month of February, bookings can be made via email or ph: 0416 211 424.
Is aiming for an amazing relationship a realistic goal? Or is it setting a standard too high to reach so that the only possible outcome is disappointment? These are reasonable questions. My belief is that every couple should be absolutely invested in achieving and maintaining an amazing relationship, and it is attainable for everyone if you really want it.
But first, we need to understand what an amazing relationship is. I’m not saying that every moment of your relationship should be filled with joy. That, of course, is not possible. Even the best and healthiest relationships have their disagreements, their dramas, and their disappointments. But in a great relationship these are simply bumps in the road which, whilst frustrating at the time, don’t impact on the strength of the relationship.
An amazing relationship is, in my opinion, one in which both partners support each other regardless of what is happening in your life. You enjoy the highs together, and you battle through the lows together, always knowing that you have each other’s backs. You always feel supported, and know that your conflicts are not a threat to your relationship.
The thing is it’s not your differences, or the inevitable conflict, that derail your relationship. It’s the way that you handle them that makes the difference. It’s about having the feeling that, no matter what happens, you are both working together to create the best possible outcome. Knowing that amongst all the benefits of a great relationship, there are inevitable sacrifices that you need to make. And you are okay with that, because you know that every sacrifice, every compromise, is assisting you to grow your bond.
I’d like you now to ask yourself a question;
‘Is my relationship the joyous, fulfilling union that I would like it to be?’
And now give yourself an honest answer. Is it an emphatic ‘yes’? Is it a ‘not really’? Or is it a ‘definitely not’? If it is anything other than an emphatic ‘yes’ then perhaps it is time to take a closer look at what your relationship needs to give both you and your partner the fulfillment you deserve.
Below are 5 things you can do to start the process of moving your relationship towards the amazing union it should, and can be;
- Begin focusing on all the positives of the relationship and your partner. Too easily we get consumed with the negatives and lose sight of the good things. They are there, though you may just have to dig a bit to find them underneath all the negativity that has built up over the years. Once you bring the good things to the fore of your mind, you will likely see more of them come into your life.
- Replace the ‘me’ with ‘we’. Are you actively instigating ways to continuously improve your relationship, or are you more concerned about your own needs not being met? Once you start looking at the needs of the relationship, rather than the needs of two individuals, then you give your relationship the opportunity to grow.
- Do something different. If things aren’t as they should be in your relationship, try mixing things up a bit. If you keep doing things the same and expect your relationship to improve then you’re bound for disappointment. Try changing your communication style, or the way you touch your partner, or do a new activity together.
- Ask your partner ‘what does an amazing relationship look like to you?’ It sounds so simple and obvious, but often we don’t know what our partner really wants from the relationship. Sometimes we don’t even know what we want ourselves from the relationship, though we are pretty clear on what we don’t want! Just asking this question can open up a conversation that can begin the transformation process.
- Set aside ‘relationship time’. Your relationship needs to be a priority. If you have kids then even more so it needs to be a priority. Your kids need to see what a healthy relationship looks like, and you are their mentors. Setting aside regular quality time to spend with each other is vital to maintaining and growing your relationship, and your kids will love you for it!
Aim high and you might just achieve that amazing relationship. But accept less and that is what you will continue to get. What do you choose?
In the beginning of a relationship we bend over backwards to support our partner, often agreeing to do things that we may not necessarily want to do in order to please them and solidify our relationship. But over time, as we slip back into a more comfortable union, we naturally begin to focus more on our own needs and stop looking for ways to please our partner as we used to do. As a result conflict begins to arise, and if it is not dealt with in a healthy and constructive way it can lead to resentment, and potentially the eventual demise of the relationship.
The greatest advantage of being in a relationship is having the support from your partner that enables us to thrive and achieve our potential. Knowing you have a partner who has your back gives you the courage to take on life’s challenges. But too often when conflict takes hold we end up as opponents rather than teammates, which not only can destroy the relationship, but also leads to stress related health problems such as heart disease, depression and other immune related illnesses.
In any relationship there are two different and unique people, and that is important if we want a dynamic and passionate relationship. It’s our polarities that create the desire and the passion in our relationship, but those polarities can also pull us apart if we are unable to accept our partner’s view of the world. Following are 5 keys to how to use conflict in a positive way to create a strong and healthy partnership;
- Instigate a repair attempt. Arguments can be healthy for a relationship as they bring up issues that need to be dealt with, and also show how passionate each partner is about the issue. However when we argue we tend to get overwhelmed, and focus on our own agenda whilst not listening to what our partner is trying to say to us. When either partner begins to feel flooded it is vital that there is a word, or a phrase, or even a signal, that both partners have agreed upon that means it’s time to end the argument and return to it sometime within the next 24 hours when you have calmed down.
- The ‘issue’ is not the issue. How often have you had a roaring argument over something seemingly insignificant? Why do we get so riled up over the little things? The truth is there is always something bigger lying behind the issue. Perhaps it is a feeling of abandonment, a fear of losing the relationship, or just not feeling understood. Finding the feelings behind the issue is the key to rebuilding that connection that you’ve lost along the way.
- Active listening. After you have had the opportunity to cool down following the instigation of a repair attempt, utilising an active listening process is a highly effective way of uncovering those hidden issues and feelings. In this process one person begins by stating how they feel about the issue in a non-judgemental and non-accusing manner. Utilising short blocks of dialogue, the speaker then pauses and allows the listener to repeat back exactly what was said, without any interpretation. They then continue in the same manner until they have said all they need to say, then the listener becomes the speaker and the process is reversed. This process allows both partners to elicit all of their feelings on an issue in a way that an argument doesn’t allow them to.
- Acceptance. Rather than focusing on your partner’s shortcomings, if you can instead see your differences as a gift that brought you together and allow you to learn and grow, you will begin to see each other in a new light. Accepting that your partner’s view of the world is different to yours can allow you to appreciate them for the unique person that they are. Often differences that appear to be frustrating can be re-interpreted as relationship strengthening assets. And it’s those differences that provide the spark in any relationship.
- Watch your language. So often the intentions of our words are not how they are interpreted by our partner. We may not intend to be accusatory, but it can easily come across that way if you do not choose your wording carefully. When you have an issue with your partner that you want to address, prefacing it with something positive about them will allow them to listen without feeling as though they are being judged or accused. And also stating how you feel, rather than how your partner makes you feel, is a much more productive approach to communicating.
Effectively resolving conflict can be a tricky process, but it is possible if you both are prepared to work at it. Maybe now is a good time to re-assess the way you communicate and ask if it’s working for you. If not, perhaps it’s time to begin a new way.
I see myself not as a practitioner who has to set up a business to operate, but a businesswoman in the health and wellness industry. I have a mission to help people cultivate their highest potential and live their best lives by showing them ways to connect to their inner wisdom and transform their lives… so I’m looking for practical ways I can offer my services to as many clients as I can.
Every practitioner brings a different set of skills and a unique blend of flavour to his/her practice. I’ve been trying to find a way of expressing all the work I do with my clients above and beyond my modality – kinesiology. And it hasn’t been an easy or straightforward process.
Firstly, I had to break through all the barriers inside me that told me I wasn’t good enough, neither as a kinesiologist, nor as a businesswoman. Then I had to re-write all my conditioning that told me my dreams were impossible to achieve… the conditioning that caused me to subconsciously self-sabotage. This spilled into my personal life too… I sabotaged my weight-loss efforts, believed I wasn’t creative so I wouldn’t complete my creative projects, I did’t accept positive feedback in my day job (I’m in non-for-profit management) and I wouldn’t permit myself to imagine myself as successful. Then, I had to figure out who my ideal clients were… Who would I like to spend most of my time with, who inspires me, who would push me to face my fears and be the best version of myself so I can guide them do same… I found that I am passionate about contributing to the wellbeing of members of the LGBTIQ community. I found that I considered myself a member of this community too and that I had many stories and experiences that allowed me to relate to the community like no other…
It was an intense process… Not only did I have to find the essence of my work, but I had to communicate that essence by writing my story and condensing all my life changing experiences into a couple of pages. I had to also express my story from the point of view of my ideal client so that they can relate to it too.
After weeks of searching and re-framing my mindset, I think I’ve arrived at some clarity. I didn’t do it alone of course. I have a wonderful business coach who has been guiding and inspiring me every step the way. She’s introduced me to a wonderful group of powerful women who are all going through a similar process and in them, I found the best counsel. My partner has been a wonderful sounding board and I’ve been lucky to have incredible friends and family in my life who enlighten me through every interaction.
So now I’m in search of my visual brand. I’m learning how to express myself through my brand and this has meant countless hours on Pinterest, refining my visual expression skills. Today, I came across a picture that delighted me to no end and made my whole being smile. I’ve posted it here… Let me know your thoughts.
Next, I’m looking at how I can package my work so that I can add most value for my clients. I’ll be bringing this all together in the next couple of months…
The quality of your intimate relationship is directly responsible for your level of satisfaction in all areas of your life. Yet so many people put up with an unfulfilling relationship and don’t do anything about it. I see many people who know that they are not satisfied with their relationship, yet they find excuses not to do anything about it. Here are five of the most common excuses:
- It’s too expensive to see someone. My response is, ‘can you afford not to see someone?’ Ask yourself, what is this costing you? Being in an unhappy relationship has been proven to increase your likelihood of illness, reduce your chances of getting a promotion or a wage increase, and have a negative psychological impact on your children. Providing an example to your children of what a healthy relationship looks like is the greatest gift you can give your kids, so if you won’t do it for yourself, do it for them. And the cost of divorce can be astronomical, so seeing someone to help you grow your relationship is really just a small investment in your future.
- I’d like to do something about it, but my partner won’t come. This is a common scenario where one partner (often the female) sees the issues facing the relationship, whereas the other (often the male) steadfastly refuses to admit there is a problem. Women, by their very nature, will usually be more acutely attuned to the needs of the relationship, though this of course is not always the case. Either way, the reality is that if one person is not happy then the relationship needs work, and no one has the right to say how the other person should feel. Relationships need to be a partnership where you both work together to ensure the happiness of both partners. If your partner is struggling then it is your obligation to help them out and do what it takes to work things through. And if your partner won’t do it, then do it yourself and work out whether your relationship has the required mutual respect to be worthy of your continued investment.
- Relationships naturally deteriorate. Sometimes there is a misguided view that over time a relationship will lose its sparkle, so it’s best just to accept this and put up with less than what you want. But this doesn’t have to be the case. You can continually re-discover your passion, and keep re-inventing your relationship to keep it fresh and vibrant. I know that I personally fell into this trap in my previous marriage, and the result was allowing a disconnection to develop that ultimately led to the demise of the marriage. It doesn’t have to be this way though, and you will be surprised just how much your relationship can improve with the right guidance.
- My partner will never change. If you think that the only way your relationship will improve is if your partner changes, then you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain. The key is to accept you partner for who they are, flaws and all, and then work together to grow into the best version of you, and as a result create your best possible relationship. Having someone to help you do this can be crucial to your success.
- Better the devil you know. This one is rarely said, but it is without question one of the main reasons people don’t seek help. Humans naturally have a deep seated fear of the unknown, and it can be more comfortable to stay in an unhappy situation than to face the possibility of a different, uncertain future. Many people are afraid of what they may discover about themselves, or about what their partner may say about them. However opening yourself up, and being vulnerable, is one of the most liberating and powerful things you can do. Most relationship problems stem from misconceptions and misunderstandings, so opening up and sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings will enable your relationship to flourish in unexpected ways.
Are you using any of these excuses for not working on your relationship? Perhaps now is a good time to drop the excuses and do something about it, for don’t you deserve to have that amazing relationship you have always dreamed of?
Book your COMPLIMENTARY 1 Hour introductory session with Matt today, bookings can be made via email or ph: 0416 211 424.
- Offer valid until the end of July 2017
In every relationship there are times when the flame begins to flicker. Some couples are able to re-ignite the flame, whilst others never find the key to bringing the passion back into their relationship. So, what do those who maintain a successful and loving long-term relationship do differently? Here are seven possible answers;
- They focus on their partner’s positive attributes, and tell them how much they appreciate these qualities. Sometimes it can seem difficult to find these, and even harder to communicate them to your partner, but when you do it can change the dynamics of your relationship enormously.
- They listen. I mean REALLY listen. Ask your partner how they are feeling and then simply listen until they have said what they need to say. Remove judgement and show empathy to their feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree with what they are saying. If you don’t acknowledge your partner’s feelings they will feel unsupported and disrespected, and that is a certain passion killer! Truly listening builds a bridge between you that will re-connect you to the love and passion that you once had.
- They empower their partner. Try being your partner’s number one fan. When they are happy, join in and share their happiness. When they achieve something good then celebrate with them. Pop a bottle of champagne or go out to dinner. When they are going through a stressful time, stand beside them and let them know that you are there to support them.
- They work as a team. So often couples get so caught up in their power struggles they end up feeling like they’re on opposing teams. Try making a pact to get back on the same team, and to work together to solve whatever issues you may be facing. Chances are this approach will enable you to find solutions that you hadn’t previously thought of.
- They are adventurous. Couples who keep the spark alive aren’t afraid to try new things. If you feel stuck in a rut have a think about some things you could do that you normally wouldn’t do, and then just do them! Some may work for you, others mightn’t, but you will have fun trying and you will likely learn more about each other along the way.
- They treat each other the same way as they did when they first met. Couples often wonder why the passion has died, yet they no longer do the things that they did to capture their lover’s heart. Have a think back to those early days. What did you do then that you don’t do now? Try re-establishing some of those habits and your partner will love you for it!
- They commit to continuous improvement in their relationship. If something isn’t working they look at ways to find a solution that works for both of them. They believe that being in love is more important than being right, and accept that it’s ok not to have things exactly how they want them. If you have not made a commitment to continuous improvement, when is now a good time to start?
Matt Glover is a qualified Master Life Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Master Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. He is the founder of Happy and Healthy Relationships, and also runs a divorce support meet-up group to provide a forum for people trying to deal with the devastation of a broken relationship. He has a very gentle, easy going manner, and is passionate about helping people to live a wholehearted and abundant life. Book your COMPLIMENTARY 1 Hour introductory session with Matt today, bookings can be made via email or ph: 0416 211 424.
What burdens are you carrying from your family that prevents you from experiencing inner peace, ease and flow in your life?
Are you tired of carrying these burdens that don’t belong to you?
Are you ready to unlock the hidden dynamics of your ancestral lines that hold you back?
Have you tried a variety of healing modalities and therapies to help relieve these burdens and resolve longstanding issues that keep you stuck in your life story?
Are you willing to look and feel with naked truthfulness, acceptance and courage?
Are you finally ready to manifest the life you yearn to create???
Then keep reading………
Family Constellations is a psychodynamic and spiritual approach to resolving current problems by looking into family systems and ancestral lines. This therapeutic approach was developed in 1990 by Bert Hellinger- a German gestalt and systems psycho-therapist and a Roman Catholic priest, who spent many years in South Africa living with the Zulu people observing their family systems. We are all born into a family system and have a unique and special place in within it. Our family is the first place where we experience belonging, love, emotional safety, care, receiving and harmony. But as we all know, families aren’t always able to provide this in a balanced, loving and harmonious way. As children, out of deep and absolute love for our parents, we are willing to unconsciously carry their burdens in order to create a sense or safety and harmony in our family environment. As children, we also don’t have the capacity to create clear boundaries and voice what is right for us, and thus our needs are overlooked, dismissed or violated, resulting in emotional entanglements and disordering in the family system From this perspective current problems are perceived as stemming back to these entanglements, disorders (one example being a child carrying a parent emotionally) and exclusions (secrets). Sometimes we are not aware of past traumatic events that created the original disorder in our family lineage, but it gets passed on in our family’s soul both unconsciously and energetically. And we carry the burden of it!
The purpose of family constellation work is to re-harmonize a family system by reaching into the soul of a family with humility, respect and dignity. If you are willing to enter the experience of family constellation work with openness and curiosity about the experience, you will be sure to invite a newfound sense of freedom and lightness into your life.
So how does it work……….
In Family Constellations, the facilitator creates an open space for whatever needs to come out to come out. It uses a somatic approach and favors a whole body sensing and feeling experience over thinking and analyzing, to uncover hidden dynamics of the unconscious mind and soul. The facilitator will ask you to briefly describe an issue that is impacting you the most right now. The clearer you are about the issue, the deeper your constellation will go. The facilitator will then ask you to give some information about your current family, family or origin (parents) and both maternal and paternal grandparents. You will be asked about any major traumas in you family line such as death, divorce, migration, war, pregnancy loss and abuse. From the information you have given, the facilitator will decide who will be
represented in your constellation and you will be asked to choose people or objects to represent those people or issues. For example if your issue is depression, the facilitator will ask you to chose a person to represent yourself, your mother, father, possibly grandparents and depression and then place those people and issue in relation to yourself. These people are referred to as representatives. The facilitator will then guide the constellation based on feedback given by representatives on what they are feeling in the form of sensations in their body. You will then view your constellation unfold through the representatives, and will be asked to join the constellation when either you feel compelled to or when the facilitator thinks it’s appropriate for you to be included. You can choose to observe the entire constellation, however, it is a more powerful experience when you become part of it.
Family Constellation work can be facilitated through:
– Group workshops where other workshop participants will act as your representatives
– Individual sessions where the facilitator, floor anchors or objects will act as representatives.
– Hypno-constellations where the facilitator will ask you to bring your family and issue into your minds eye
Family Constellations can involve intense emotional releases and experiences and this is where the family soul experiences shifts, movements and freedom.
Family constellation work is brief, solution-focused therapy and issues can be transformed within 2-5 sessions. If you have engaged in counselling, personal
development or other healing modalities, then this will be a very brief intervention for you.
If this article had made you curious about this work, come along to our workshop Healing the Soul. Please see the events page on this website for further details.
If you prefer to work privately, book in for an individual session by contacting Yogahari Healing directly:
Eleni Kyrpigikidis is a qualified Social Worker and Counsellor, a certified Yoga Teacher, and Yoga Nidra teacher and a certified Family Constellation facilitator.
What would you like to have happen?
When I ask my clients, “How’s business, what’s happening?”, I sometimes get a response like…
“Business is okay but I’m lacking enthusiasm, motivation and focus” and, “my confidence is low, I’m doubting myself”.
With just a few, well-chosen questions, I get to the root cause and then something akin to the following unfolds:
“I’m unfulfilled and lacking direction and I’m not getting results. I originally wanted to do this work but now I’m here because I have a mortgage hanging over my head. It’s getting to me. The stress is leaking into my home life.
I’m an achiever, not a loser, but I’m spiraling. Maybe I’m depressed? Whatever it is I can’t snap out of it. I know there is something more for me but I don’t know what it is. I haven’t talked to anyone about this yet.”
I meet this client often. Someone, who despite their best efforts, is lacking fulfillment, meaning and purpose and is disconnected from their potential. It’s clear to me that this person is capable of making a huge impact in life but only when their thoughts, feelings and actions are aligned with what’s possible for them.
What my clients want is simple. They want to wake up in the morning and feel motivated, enthusiastic and driven about the work they will devote their entire day to. And that regardless of whether it’s challenging or not, they want to feel excited because they love their work and they’re good at it. Like a surgeon who wakes up and says out loud, “I love my job and I’m going to be awesome today”.
And when this happens, there is an abundance of energy and flow. The kind of energy that is focused, calm, confident and smooth. The kind of flow where all you need to do is take the first step of any task, procedure or responsibility and the rest just happens exactly as you want it to.
And with this energy and flow, your A-game becomes natural, effortless and unfolding. Without thought, it just happens. You’re just doing it – the results are evident.
In a corporate setting, the words fulfillment, meaning and purpose are often considered abstract and fluffy terms; that when you attempt to obtain them it feels like clutching at air.
However, fulfillment, meaning and purpose are huge contributors to engagement, business longevity, performance and ultimately profitability. They are also very much achievable. What make them possible are measurable qualities of value unique to each individual.
Fulfillment, meaning and purpose happen at the intersection of your values, ideals and strengths. That’s when you find yourself doing what you love to do and as a result you are being the way you want to feel because it’s an expression of the most notable and favoured talents that you have.
- Know your Values, what you love to DO, and live them.
- Know your Ideals, how you love to BE, and embody them.
- Know what your Strengths are, what you best HAVE to give, and play to them.
That’s how you set yourself up for success.
And when you action these simultaneously in your profession, and flow and energy happens, then you will have the kind of impact that you have always known and sensed you are capable of.
And, it will become real for you and others.
The Next Step
I’m dedicated to assisting professionals and entrepreneurs, who struggle to perform at their peak, to upgrade the way they think, feel and act so they can achieve more profitability, more influence and more impact.
If you’d like to find out how I may assist Click here and book a Free 10 minute chat
Written by Heath Myers. Heath Myers, Agent of Change, is a professional and highly experienced transformational life coach, executive coach, holistic counselor and program facilitator with over 12 years experience teaching, studying and practicing a variety of advanced personal and professional development systems. He offers outcomes-focused coaching specifically for those who are serious about getting enhanced results in life and making real change. Click here to read this blog and others by Heath.
Some humans seem to always be searching for answers. Deep, spiritual and meaningful answers to fundamental and life-defining questions. The search for these answers takes us on a journey to find ourselves, to understand ourselves and ultimately to change ourselves for the better.
I have a love-hate relationship with my head. At times, it fails me. I feel out of control, alone, frantic and then the anxiety, self doubt and exasperation sets in and I’m spinning out of control into a deeper and deeper hole of my dark emotions. Sometimes I hit the bottom but mostly I cling to the wall, hoping I can pull myself out this time before I head too deep.
Other times I feel light, calm and balanced. I feel happy, I feel alive, I feel gratitude. I have amazing clarity, everything in life flows and it takes quite a bit to knock me into my spinning downward spiral. The rest of the time I’m grappling between the two states, transitioning from one to the other.
This is my journey. These are the ebbs and flows of my life. I’m not special, I’m not unique, I’m just acutely aware of how my mind teaches me about life. I’m aware of how events that occurred many years ago still influence me today because, some of the time, I choose reaction rather than action. Becoming aware of this means I can choose to change for the better.
The biggest lesson that kinesiology has taught me over the years is that I have a choice in absolutely every part of my life. Yes, all of it. I choose to allow the low times in, to really feel them and process them so I can recognise and appreciate the better times. I can choose to find the source of my feeling: is it coming from fear? Is it coming from past experience? I can choose to work my passion rather than the job that paid me well. I can choose to see something with rose tinted glasses or I can choose to see the dread. I can choose to question everything.
Kinesiology can help you on the rocky road to understanding yourself. You will find out things about your mind you didn’t realise existed. You will identify patterns, you will revisit your childhood, you will start to grasp the real reasons you are sick, in pain or anxious and can’t sleep. But ultimately YOU do the work. You are the one who will resonate with your blocks, you are the one who ultimately reprograms your head and you are the one who will need to change your perspective. Use kinesiology as your tool, but go in with eyes open that you are choosing to work for your development, your change. You are the only one in control of your life and you must make a conscious choice to develop it.
Written by Phillipa Huynh. Phillipa is a kinesiologist working at Prana House who teaches you how to make your life ‘fit’ again. Previously working for 12 years in the corporate world, Phillipa knows all too well how stress can affect you and works with you to give you the tools to face life’s challenges head on and bring about a sense of balance. You can contact Phillipa by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org or visiting http://simplykinesiology.com.au
How do you welcome yourself into the day?
What habits do you have to keep your body and mind nourished and nurtured? Before diving into the ocean of Ayurveda, I hadn’t given these questions much thought at all.
Sure, I knew starting the day with a bit of exercise, a good breakfast, maybe some yoga and meditation was a good idea… but why? Why in the morning? And why does it matter if it’s regular or not?
Can’t I just start the day with a double shot latte, and forget about breakfast? Eat lunch at my desk around 2pm, reach for the chocolate around 4pm for a quick pick me up, can’t focus, have another coffee, have dinner late because I went to my workout/yoga class/spin class after work, over eat because pushed though my hunger 2 hours ago, actually …pretty sure I skipped lunch because we were so busy at work! …Sound familiar?
Apparently that’s not the way forward if I want to experience optimum health and to prevent any kind of nervous breakdown in the future!
Our bodies are constantly aiming for homeostasis; equilibrium in the internal environment of our physiology. When we create a routine that supports this aim, the results are more energy, clearer thinking, increased productivity, a more robust immune system and of course a more peaceful experience of day-to-day life.
The exploration of Ayurveda has not only offered me insight into all of this; it’s given me a greater understanding of self-care and preventive health through the act of dinacharya – the daily routine of self-care; A routine that aligns us with the rhythms in nature.
When our bodies are synced with the rhythms in nature, our internal rhythms, known as biorhythms associated with hormone production, healthy digestion, menstruation, and a strong immune system are supported to function optimally.
The following is an example of dinacharya or daily self care routine recommended through Ayurveda. Following this type of routine helps to keeps the body and mind in check and less affected by the changes of season.
Dinacharya – Daily Routine:
- Wake and get moving before sunrise. Being up before first light allows the body to synchronize with the rhythm of the sun. It’s also the time of day that the elements in nature support the meditation, yoga prayer and a healthy bowel movement, which is key to optimum digestion!
- Say a prayer/give thanks Training the mind to begin each day with positively, optimism, is a beautiful way to start the day. You know what they say about our thoughts influencing the world around us? When we start the day in a positive mindset, positivity is bound to follow.
- Scrape the tongue Ever heard of an Ayurvedic tongue scrapper? Doing this first thing, followed by brushing the teeth and swishing cold pressed sesame oil, (known as gandoosh) in the mouth for a minimum of 5 minutes, will cleanse the mouth teeth and gums protecting them from harmful bacteria, offering numerous benefits including whitening the teeth!
- Drink warm lemon, honey and ginger water first thing in the morning before food – this helps to prepare the digestive tract for breakfast and assists the body’s natural elimination processes. Make sure you use organic raw honey and add the honey to the water only when it’s warm, not boiling hot as boiling water will reduce the medicinal benefits of this precious ingredient.
- Evacuation – that’s right, I’m talking poo here. A great morning routine encourages bowel movement. For optimum digestion, this happens ideally before consuming your next meal.
- Warm Oil Self Massage – In Ayurveda it is said that every human being needs regular oil massage. Self-massage is a great to way to get this. Regular self massage strengthens the immune system, improves self confidence, counter fatigue and improve sleep.
- Bathe or shower – Before breakfast and before meditation as an act of cleansing the body, and allowing the warm herbal oils to settle into the skin.
- Meditation – Can be considered a form of eating, a type of food for the brain and body. Meditation can soothe a hungry mind. There is so much ‘scientific’ evidence available now proving the benefits of meditation. One key benefit being mental clarity and a sense of peace that prevails in moments of chaos when a regular practice is kept.
- Nourish yourself with a warm delicious easy to digest breakfast particularly in the cooler months or if the digestion is weak.
- Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time each day, taking time to be with your meal and appreciate it with full awareness. Bring your awareness of the taste, the colours, the smells the sounds of each mouthful. All of this enhances the body’s ability to digest, process and assimilate the nutrients from every mouthful and ingredient.
- Sip warm or room temperature water throughout the day to encourage and support digestion and keep the body hydrated.
- Be in bed with lights out before 10pm for optimum rest and the best quality sleep. The news isn’t new that the hours we sleep before midnight is the richest hours of and Ayurveda suggests that doing so results in more energy, increased memory and longer life – you never know until you give it a go! 😉
I know what you’re thinking….’how on Earth am I going to find the time to do all of this!!’
Don’t worry; I’ve been there. That was my initial reaction.
The key is to be realistic. Create an achievable routine that works for you and your circumstance. If you’re not sure where to start come in and see me for a consultation and we can tailor a routine specific for you.
Keep in mind, the more energy you have, the more time expands, or at least it feels that way! The more you implement a self care routine in your life, the more energy you have!
What daily rituals or routines do you already have in your life that support and generate strength and vitality? Love to hear from you!
Written by Carla Beasley. Carla is an Ayrevedic Lifestyle Consultant and Yoga Instructor who is the owner of The Nourishment Garden. Contact Carla on +61 402 467 234 or visit her website for full details.