The simple answer, in the vast majority of cases, is they are if you treat them as though they are.

Sure it may not feel as though they are when you are fighting and feeling disillusioned. And you may not feel inclined to treat your partner as ‘the one’ if they are not treating you with the respect you crave. You may look outside your relationship and see the potential for something more and wonder whether it is really worth staying. Why stay in a relationship that is causing more pain than joy?

There is a reason, and here’s why. When we search for a partner we think we are looking for someone compatible, but in reality we are actually looking for someone incompatible. I mean sure, we want some amount of compatibility, but unconsciously we are looking for somebody that we are incompatible with in certain important areas.

Now why on earth would we want to find someone incompatible? Well, I believe that we are all growth seeking creatures, and deep down within us is a desire to be the best and most complete version of ourselves that we can possibly be. Unconsciously there is a drive within us to release those parts of us that we have kept hidden away. A partner that has these qualities will be very attractive to us, and that is what provides the spark that brings us together. But it can also quite easily tear us apart.

    “We think we are searching for someone compatible, but in actual fact we are searching for someone incompatible”

It is those characteristics of our partner that are driving us crazy that are actually what attracted us to them in the first place, and provide us with an opportunity to learn and grow. However, consciously we tend to be very resistant to change, and instead of working with each other to grow ourselves and our relationship, we begin to blame our partner for not being more like us. This leads us to placing our stake in the ground and declaring that we’re not moving until our partner does first, creating a downward spiral into frustration and resentment.

So, what can you do to release those frustrations and get out of the negative patterns that are causing issues in your relationship? Here are a few suggestions:

  • Instead of focusing on your partner, begin to focus on yourself
  • Ask yourself “what can I do to change the dynamic here?”
  • Begin altering your own behaviour and observe what happens. Often it only takes one to change for the other to follow
  • Look at your partner’s behaviours that are frustrating you and ask yourself “is there anything about their behaviour that I secretly admire?” (Be honest!)
  • Look for your partner’s best intention in their behaviour. Often what is frustrating about their behaviour has benefits in other aspects of your lives
  • Talk to your partner and tell them what you admire about their behaviour. This may seem counterproductive, but people won’t change unless they first feel accepted as they are
  • Discuss ways that you can both approach the issue differently in order to get a different result. Don’t place all the blame or responsibility on your partner

Personally I am not a believer in ‘the one’ or ‘soulmates’. The divorce courts are full of former soulmates wondering where it all went wrong. The key to a great relationship is finding someone that lights that spark within you, then continually working to keep that spark alive – through the good times and the challenging times. And no matter how great your relationship is, you will face challenging times. It’s how you work through these together as a team that will determine the strength, and, most likely, the length, of your relationship.

If you would like to know more, or would like to book a free consultation to find out how you can re-ignite your relationship, please contact Matt on 0416 211 424, or email

Right now, as you read this, you may be considering why you should stay in your marriage. Perhaps you’ve been considering leaving for a while now? Or perhaps something has happened recently that has made you question the strength of your marriage? Honestly, if you haven’t questioned your marriage at some point then you are indeed in the rare minority!

A long term relationship is not easy, and there are many challenges that you have no doubt faced in the past, and will continue to face in the future. But before you take the leap out of the fire and into the great unknown, please take some time to consider the following facts:

  • Divorced parents aged 45-65 have 25% less assets than their married counterparts
  • The average cost of divorce litigation in Australia is estimated at between $50,000 and $100,000
  • Almost half of divorced families experience poverty following the divorce
  • When parents get divorced it almost doubles the chances that their children will also get divorced 
  • Children whose parents are married tend to be more academically successful, more emotionally stable, and assume more leadership roles. They also do less drugs and commit fewer crimes 
  • Married people are less likely to get sick, have surgery, develop cancer, or have heart attacks
  • Married couples have more sex and a better quality of sex than single, divorced, or cohabitating individuals (yes, it’s true!) 
  • A stressful marriage has been shown to have as many harmful effects on the heart as a regular smoking habit. But on the other hand, a strong, healthy relationship has been shown to boost your immune system, increase your wealth, and create a strong model for your children to follow. In fact, children want nothing more than to see their parents happy together. The greatest gift you can give them is to work on your relationship.

    You may think that there is no hope for improvement in your marriage. But the truth is it is simply the patterns of behaviour that you get stuck in that are causing your issues, not your partner. Changing these patterns are the key to turning things around, and if you are willing to look honestly at your role in the problems, and work at creating a more constructive pattern, then absolutely anything is possible.

    It’s very easy to think that there might be someone better out there for you. But remember this; though most of us are aware that the divorce rate is around 50%, what is less well known is that the divorce rate for second marriages is close to 70%, and third marriages is almost 80%. So wouldn’t it be better to fix your current marriage rather than hoping for someone else to fix you?

    Unless you are in an abusive relationship, the answer is not to run away, but to work with your partner to remove the negative patterns of the past, and create new empowering patterns that will benefit you both as a couple and as individuals. This absolutely can be achieved – all you need is a willingness to learn and to let go of blame. On your own, however, this can be difficult, so utilising a relationship coach to help you clarify the patterns you are in and create a new empowered future can be hugely beneficial. The results may just blow your mind!

    Matt Glover is a relationship expert with Happy And Healthy Relationships. If you would like to learn how to improve or ignite your relationship, book a free consultation here: or contact Matt on 0416 211 424, or email

    Energy Healing and Kahuna Massage

    As a Health Information Manager for the past 10 years in multiple public hospitals throughout
    Victoria, Karlie Fitzpatrick felt compelled to help people more.
    Following her passions, her work now enables others to find their path towards a better life and
    health. She is proficient in Reiki, Reiki Teaching, Kahuna and Polynesian massage, Tarot Reading,
    Hypnotherapy and NLP (neuro linguistic processing), Access Bars, Crystal Light Bed and Crystal
    After years of training with other like-minded experts, she has learned to share her experience
    through a combination of services and education.
    “It is my intention to guide those willing towards a life with more direction and clarity,” says Karlie. “I
    want to share the power of healing, self-love, spiritual guidance and growth with all of those willing
    through a variety of modalities and treatments.”
    A passionate healer with an alternative approach, Karlie is dedicated to helping her clients move
    through a wide range of physical, emotional, and spiritual transitions in the most efficient and
    transformative way possible.
    “I want to facilitate positive change in a warm, loving and compassionate environment. I assist
    clients to find ways to unlock the potential of self-healing, acceptance, self-love and growth,” Karlie
    says. “First love yourself and the rest will fall into place.”

    In conjunction with Prana House Wellness, Karlie would like to offer 20% off all services for first time visits and 30% off if you refer a friend. Valid for two months.

    Radical Exposure Therapy with Yogahari Healing

    Radical Exposure tapping is a form of exposure therapy designed to assist people heal from
    traumatic events by effectively resolving memories that feed post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety,
    anger and conflicting patterns of relating with others. Its approach combines the well-researched
    Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).
    Radical Exposure therapy works for people who are ready, open and willing to be free from
    distressing feelings and entrust themselves to being directed by the therapist. Being open to riding
    the wave of intense and confronting emotions that arise during the process contributes to the
    success of this profound healing technique.
    Therapy sessions begin by exploring family of origin and memories of significant distressing or
    traumatic events. Once a therapeutic rapport has been established between the therapist and client,
    the therapist takes note of what the person remembers seeing during the traumatic event and what
    they are feeling in their body while recalling the event to the therapist. This information is then used
    by the therapist who guides the process of repeating bits of this information back to the client. The
    client then repeats back what the therapist says whilst tapping on different areas of their body. Prior
    to the process, the therapist guides the “safe place” exercise to ensure that distressing memories
    can be safely managed during the therapeutic process.
    Eleni is a qualified Social Worker/therapist, Family Constellation facilitator and certified yoga teacher
    and has been working in the therapeutic field supporting people heal for twenty years.
    If you would like to book a session with Eleni contact her on: 0403 774 410, or visit to view her offerings.

    Why is it So Hard to Love Ourselves?

    Loving ourselves does not come easily for many of us, and yet self-love is the foundation of
    resilience. The only person you will be with for the entirety of your life from birth to death is you.
    There will be many others sharing the journey of life with you but only you will be there through all
    of your experiences. It makes sense then that if you can get good at loving yourself you will set
    yourself up to be able to support yourself in healthy ways through life’s ups and downs.
    Furthermore, a by-product of loving and appreciating yourself is that you will naturally attract others
    who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
    Let’s consider why it is so hard to love ourselves and why it does not come naturally for many of us.
    When we come into the world, we are love. Pure love. You only need to look into a baby’s eyes to
    see that. Then an event occurs and we experience emotions other than love for the first time. It
    might be that a parent takes a toy from us or raises their voice at us. We feel love has been
    withdrawn and we experience negative emotions such as sadness or fear as a consequence. We then
    start to take on a belief that we are flawed in some way or unlovable. It is worth noting too that our
    individual level of emotional sensitivity dictates the extent to which experiences, both positive and
    negative, impact us.
    We take on our parents conditioning and therefore, our outlook on life including beliefs about
    ourselves will often be similar to our parents’ beliefs. This is not about blaming our parents for the
    way we feel about ourselves, as they were always doing the best they could with the awareness,
    knowledge and understanding they had at the time. Rather, this is about shining a light on factors
    which contribute to the way we view ourselves which in turn, effects how we experience the world.
    When we feel that we are unworthy of attaining a partner, job, good health or something else that
    we would like in our life, it is very unlikely we will attain it easily because our default is to act in ways
    that correspond to how we feel about ourselves. Therefore, we will stay in jobs we hate, won’t ask
    that person out on a date etc because we don’t believe we will be successful. We quit before we
    have dared to even begin.
    Furthermore, people’s behaviour toward us will often mirror how we view ourselves. Therefore, if
    we have low self-esteem it is not uncommon to be caught in a cycle of attracting people into our
    space that verify our limited view of ourselves and thus we find ourselves perpetuating an unwanted
    cycle of self-loathing.
    The good news is you can break out of this cycle with awareness. Being willing to see yourself as
    worthy regardless of what past experiences have taught you is the first step. Understanding that you
    have learned you’re unworthy through other people who struggled to see their own worth, is
    You are free to reclaim your worth.
    The ball is in your court. You can transform your life with the healing power of your own love when
    you are willing to commit to yourself and take the steps. By deliberately taking action to love
    yourself by doing what you need to do to heal your life, including asking for help when you need it
    and softening judgement of yourself, you’re on your way.
    If you would like to delve deep into learning how to love yourself more and learn how to release
    negative experiences which prevent you from seeing your worth, I’m available at Prana House on
    Wednesday evenings for one to one healing sessions.
    With love and blessings,
    Cindy Melksham
    Energy Healer & Empowerment Coach