It’s always a great debate, and one that elicits some very strong opinions and emotions. Are men and women born radically different, or is it our environment that shapes who we become?  Are men really from Mars and women from Venus? The truth, of course, is a bit of both, though the degrees will always be unmeasurable.

Personally, I am in the camp that says that men and women are naturally significantly different, though our environment also plays a large part in determining how our masculine and feminine sides are developed. Because whether we are male or female we all have masculine and feminine aspects of our personality and physiology. To what degree though varies from person to person. As a rule men at their core are masculine, and women at their core are feminine. However it is estimated that approximately 8% of women are masculine at their core, and 8% of men are feminine at their core.

How our masculinity and femininity affects our relationships is significant. The masculine is very focused and direct, whereas the feminine is very encompassing and aware of what is happening around it. It is these polarities that draw us together, complement each other, and provide an opportunity to develop ourselves in many different ways. However they are also often the cause of much frustration in relationships, and in life in general, especially if we only look at the behaviour through our own interpretation of how things should be done.

    ‘The masculine is very focused and direct, whereas the feminine is very

            encompassing and aware of what is happening around it’

It is only in recent years that we have begun to get a better understanding of the differences of the male and female brains. The size, the structure, and the connections within the brains of males and females are consistently being shown to be quite different in many new scientific studies. There is always debate on how accurate these studies are, and whether there is bias involved, but there is clearly enough evidence now to say with some certainty that we are born with different wiring that guides our behaviours throughout our lives.

For example, it has been shown that females have 11% more neurons than males in the language and hearing centres of the brain. As a result women have a more acute sense of hearing, and a stronger ability to determine the nuances of emotion in someone’s voice. This is an essential skill in child rearing, and one that women are more naturally attuned to. I also find this a consistent source of frustration with couples who come to see me. The woman more often than not is exasperated with her partner’s lack of attention, and seeming inability to interpret the intentions of her words and emotions.

However this is not necessarily simply the man being difficult. A study in the Netherlands monitored the brain patterns of over 100 males and females between the ages of 17-27 while listening to a combination of music and white noise. The findings showed that females had an intense reaction to both the music and the white noise, however whilst the males had a similar intense reaction to the music, they almost completely detached from the white noise. There was little brain activity at all, as though they didn’t even hear it, indicating that men naturally are able to switch off any noise that they unconsciously determine is not important to them in that moment.

I’m sure there are many women reading this silently nodding their head in agreement, having much experience with their male partners seemingly switching off at will. Truly listening is a skill that many men are not strong in, and one that I often need to address with my male clients. Like any skill it is something that can be learnt, but it takes practice. Similarly I often have to work with their female partners to encourage them to speak in smaller blocks of dialogue, and to ensure they have the full attention of their partner if they have something important to say.

This, of course, is a generalisation and not true of all couples. I have had clients where the opposite is true. But they are rare. Other factors such as the family environment we grow up in and the culture we are exposed to also have a large effect on our behaviours. But the bottom line is men and women are different in many, many ways (just as we are similar in many ways also), and whilst this is generally a good thing, it can lead to all sorts of issues in a relationship if not properly understood and accommodated.

I am a strong believer that these differences are significant and important. But I also believe that we shouldn’t use them as an excuse for disrespecting or not meeting the needs of our partners. We are all capable of learning and improving in any area that our relationships are deficient in. And if our partner can see that we are making an effort to improve, that alone can transform a formerly stagnant relationship into something beautiful again.

Book your COMPLIMENTARY  Relationship Check-up with Matt in the month of February, bookings can be made via email or ph: 0416 211 424.

Is aiming for an amazing relationship a realistic goal? Or is it setting a standard too high to reach so that the only possible outcome is disappointment? These are reasonable questions. My belief is that every couple should be absolutely invested in achieving and maintaining an amazing relationship, and it is attainable for everyone if you really want it.

But first, we need to understand what an amazing relationship is. I’m not saying that every moment of your relationship should be filled with joy. That, of course, is not possible. Even the best and healthiest relationships have their disagreements, their dramas, and their disappointments. But in a great relationship these are simply bumps in the road which, whilst frustrating at the time, don’t impact on the strength of the relationship.

An amazing relationship is, in my opinion, one in which both partners support each other regardless of what is happening in your life. You enjoy the highs together, and you battle through the lows together, always knowing that you have each other’s backs. You always feel supported, and know that your conflicts are not a threat to your relationship.

The thing is it’s not your differences, or the inevitable conflict, that derail your relationship. It’s the way that you handle them that makes the difference. It’s about having the feeling that, no matter what happens, you are both working together to create the best possible outcome. Knowing that amongst all the benefits of a great relationship, there are inevitable sacrifices that you need to make. And you are okay with that, because you know that every sacrifice, every compromise, is assisting you to grow your bond.

I’d like you now to ask yourself a question;

‘Is my relationship the joyous, fulfilling union that I would like it to be?’

And now give yourself an honest answer. Is it an emphatic ‘yes’? Is it a ‘not really’? Or is it a ‘definitely not’? If it is anything other than an emphatic ‘yes’ then perhaps it is time to take a closer look at what your relationship needs to give both you and your partner the fulfillment you deserve.

Below are 5 things you can do to start the process of moving your relationship towards the amazing union it should, and can be;

  1. Begin focusing on all the positives of the relationship and your partner. Too easily we get consumed with the negatives and lose sight of the good things. They are there, though you may just have to dig a bit to find them underneath all the negativity that has built up over the years. Once you bring the good things to the fore of your mind, you will likely see more of them come into your life.
  1. Replace the ‘me’ with ‘we’. Are you actively instigating ways to continuously improve your relationship, or are you more concerned about your own needs not being met? Once you start looking at the needs of the relationship, rather than the needs of two individuals, then you give your relationship the opportunity to grow.
  1. Do something different. If things aren’t as they should be in your relationship, try mixing things up a bit. If you keep doing things the same and expect your relationship to improve then you’re bound for disappointment. Try changing your communication style, or the way you touch your partner, or do a new activity together.
  1. Ask your partner ‘what does an amazing relationship look like to you?’ It sounds so simple and obvious, but often we don’t know what our partner really wants from the relationship. Sometimes we don’t even know what we want ourselves from the relationship, though we are pretty clear on what we don’t want! Just asking this question can open up a conversation that can begin the transformation process.
  1. Set aside ‘relationship time’. Your relationship needs to be a priority. If you have kids then even more so it needs to be a priority. Your kids need to see what a healthy relationship looks like, and you are their mentors. Setting aside regular quality time to spend with each other is vital to maintaining and growing your relationship, and your kids will love you for it!

Aim high and you might just achieve that amazing relationship. But accept less and that is what you will continue to get. What do you choose?

In the beginning of a relationship we bend over backwards to support our partner, often agreeing to do things that we may not necessarily want to do in order to please them and solidify our relationship. But over time, as we slip back into a more comfortable union, we naturally begin to focus more on our own needs and stop looking for ways to please our partner as we used to do. As a result conflict begins to arise, and if it is not dealt with in a healthy and constructive way it can lead to resentment, and potentially the eventual demise of the relationship.

The greatest advantage of being in a relationship is having the support from your partner that enables us to thrive and achieve our potential. Knowing you have a partner who has your back gives you the courage to take on life’s challenges. But too often when conflict takes hold we end up as opponents rather than teammates, which not only can destroy the relationship, but also leads to stress related health problems such as heart disease, depression and other immune related illnesses.

In any relationship there are two different and unique people, and that is important if we want a dynamic and passionate relationship. It’s our polarities that create the desire and the passion in our relationship, but those polarities can also pull us apart if we are unable to accept our partner’s view of the world. Following are 5 keys to how to use conflict in a positive way to create a strong and healthy partnership;

  1. Instigate a repair attempt. Arguments can be healthy for a relationship as they bring up issues that need to be dealt with, and also show how passionate each partner is about the issue. However when we argue we tend to get overwhelmed, and focus on our own agenda whilst not listening to what our partner is trying to say to us. When either partner begins to feel flooded it is vital that there is a word, or a phrase, or even a signal, that both partners have agreed upon that means it’s time to end the argument and return to it sometime within the next 24 hours when you have calmed down.


  1. The ‘issue’ is not the issue. How often have you had a roaring argument over something seemingly insignificant? Why do we get so riled up over the little things? The truth is there is always something bigger lying behind the issue. Perhaps it is a feeling of abandonment, a fear of losing the relationship, or just not feeling understood. Finding the feelings behind the issue is the key to rebuilding that connection that you’ve lost along the way.


  1. Active listening. After you have had the opportunity to cool down following the instigation of a repair attempt, utilising an active listening process is a highly effective way of uncovering those hidden issues and feelings. In this process one person begins by stating how they feel about the issue in a non-judgemental and non-accusing manner. Utilising short blocks of dialogue, the speaker then pauses and allows the listener to repeat back exactly what was said, without any interpretation. They then continue in the same manner until they have said all they need to say, then the listener becomes the speaker and the process is reversed. This process allows both partners to elicit all of their feelings on an issue in a way that an argument doesn’t allow them to.


  1. Acceptance. Rather than focusing on your partner’s shortcomings, if you can instead see your differences as a gift that brought you together and allow you to learn and grow, you will begin to see each other in a new light. Accepting that your partner’s view of the world is different to yours can allow you to appreciate them for the unique person that they are. Often differences that appear to be frustrating can be re-interpreted as relationship strengthening assets. And it’s those differences that provide the spark in any relationship.

  1. Watch your language. So often the intentions of our words are not how they are interpreted by our partner. We may not intend to be accusatory, but it can easily come across that way if you do not choose your wording carefully. When you have an issue with your partner that you want to address, prefacing it with something positive about them will allow them to listen without feeling as though they are being judged or accused. And also stating how you feel, rather than how your partner makes you feel, is a much more productive approach to communicating.

Effectively resolving conflict can be a tricky process, but it is possible if you both are prepared to work at it. Maybe now is a good time to re-assess the way you communicate and ask if it’s working for you. If not, perhaps it’s time to begin a new way.

 I’ve been quiet here lately as I’ve been going through a huge growth process both internally and in my business as a kinesiologist.

I see myself not as a practitioner who has to set up a business to operate, but a businesswoman in the health and wellness industry. I have a mission to help people cultivate their highest potential and live their best lives by showing them ways to connect to their inner wisdom and transform their lives… so I’m looking for practical ways I can offer my services to as many clients as I can.

Every practitioner brings a different set of skills and a unique blend of flavour to his/her practice. I’ve been trying to find a way of  expressing all the work I do with my clients above and beyond my modality – kinesiology. And it hasn’t been an easy or straightforward process.

Firstly, I had to break through all the barriers inside me that told me I wasn’t good enough, neither as a kinesiologist, nor as a businesswoman. Then I had to re-write all my conditioning that told me my dreams were impossible to achieve… the conditioning that caused me to subconsciously self-sabotage. This spilled into my personal life too… I sabotaged my weight-loss efforts, believed I wasn’t creative so I wouldn’t complete my creative projects, I did’t accept positive feedback in my day job (I’m in non-for-profit management) and I wouldn’t permit myself to imagine myself as successful. Then, I had to figure out who my ideal clients were… Who would I like to spend most of my time with, who inspires me, who would push me to face my fears and be the best version of myself so I can guide them do same… I found that I am passionate about contributing to the wellbeing of members of the LGBTIQ community. I found that I considered myself a member of this community too and that I had many stories and experiences that allowed me to relate to the community like no other…

It was an intense process… Not only did I have to find the essence of my work, but I had to communicate that essence by writing my story and condensing all my life changing experiences into a couple of pages. I had to also express my story from the point of view of my ideal client so that they can relate to it too.

After weeks of searching and re-framing my mindset, I think I’ve arrived at some clarity. I didn’t do it alone of course. I have a wonderful business coach who has been guiding and inspiring me every step the way. She’s introduced me to a wonderful group of powerful women who are all going through a similar process and in them, I found the best counsel. My partner has been a wonderful sounding board and I’ve been lucky to have  incredible friends and family in my life who enlighten me through every interaction.

So now I’m in search of my visual brand. I’m learning how to express myself through my brand and this has meant countless hours on Pinterest, refining my visual expression skills. Today, I came across a picture that delighted me to no end and made my whole being smile. I’ve posted it here… Let me know your thoughts.


Next, I’m looking at how I can package my work so that I can add most value for my clients. I’ll be bringing this all together in the next couple of months…

The quality of your intimate relationship is directly responsible for your level of satisfaction in all areas of your life. Yet so many people put up with an unfulfilling relationship and don’t do anything about it. I see many people who know that they are not satisfied with their relationship, yet they find excuses not to do anything about it. Here are five of the most common excuses:

  1. It’s too expensive to see someone. My response is, ‘can you afford not to see someone?’ Ask yourself, what is this costing you? Being in an unhappy relationship has been proven to increase your likelihood of illness, reduce your chances of getting a promotion or a wage increase, and have a negative psychological impact on your children. Providing an example to your children of what a healthy relationship looks like is the greatest gift you can give your kids, so if you won’t do it for yourself, do it for them. And the cost of divorce can be astronomical, so seeing someone to help you grow your relationship is really just a small investment in your future.


  1. I’d like to do something about it, but my partner won’t come. This is a common scenario where one partner (often the female) sees the issues facing the relationship, whereas the other (often the male) steadfastly refuses to admit there is a problem. Women, by their very nature, will usually be more acutely attuned to the needs of the relationship, though this of course is not always the case. Either way, the reality is that if one person is not happy then the relationship needs work, and no one has the right to say how the other person should feel. Relationships need to be a partnership where you both work together to ensure the happiness of both partners. If your partner is struggling then it is your obligation to help them out and do what it takes to work things through. And if your partner won’t do it, then do it yourself and work out whether your relationship has the required mutual respect to be worthy of your continued investment.


  1. Relationships naturally deteriorate. Sometimes there is a misguided view that over time a relationship will lose its sparkle, so it’s best just to accept this and put up with less than what you want. But this doesn’t have to be the case. You can continually re-discover your passion, and keep re-inventing your relationship to keep it fresh and vibrant. I know that I personally fell into this trap in my previous marriage, and the result was allowing a disconnection to develop that ultimately led to the demise of the marriage. It doesn’t have to be this way though, and you will be surprised just how much your relationship can improve with the right guidance.


  1. My partner will never change. If you think that the only way your relationship will improve is if your partner changes, then you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain. The key is to accept you partner for who they are, flaws and all, and then work together to grow into the best version of you, and as a result create your best possible relationship. Having someone to help you do this can be crucial to your success.


  1. Better the devil you know. This one is rarely said, but it is without question one of the main reasons people don’t seek help. Humans naturally have a deep seated fear of the unknown, and it can be more comfortable to stay in an unhappy situation than to face the possibility of a different, uncertain future. Many people are afraid of what they may discover about themselves, or about what their partner may say about them. However opening yourself up, and being vulnerable, is one of the most liberating and powerful things you can do. Most relationship problems stem from misconceptions and misunderstandings, so opening up and sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings will enable your relationship to flourish in unexpected ways.

 Are you using any of these excuses for not working on your relationship? Perhaps now is a good time to drop the excuses and do something about it, for don’t you deserve to have that amazing relationship you have always dreamed of?

Book your COMPLIMENTARY 1 Hour introductory session with Matt today, bookings can be made via email or ph: 0416 211 424.

  • Offer valid until the end of July 2017