Blog

In the beginning of a relationship we bend over backwards to support our partner, often agreeing to do things that we may not necessarily want to do in order to please them and solidify our relationship. But over time, as we slip back into a more comfortable union, we naturally begin to focus more on our own needs and stop looking for ways to please our partner as we used to do. As a result conflict begins to arise, and if it is not dealt with in a healthy and constructive way it can lead to resentment, and potentially the eventual demise of the relationship.

The greatest advantage of being in a relationship is having the support from your partner that enables us to thrive and achieve our potential. Knowing you have a partner who has your back gives you the courage to take on life’s challenges. But too often when conflict takes hold we end up as opponents rather than teammates, which not only can destroy the relationship, but also leads to stress related health problems such as heart disease, depression and other immune related illnesses.

In any relationship there are two different and unique people, and that is important if we want a dynamic and passionate relationship. It’s our polarities that create the desire and the passion in our relationship, but those polarities can also pull us apart if we are unable to accept our partner’s view of the world. Following are 5 keys to how to use conflict in a positive way to create a strong and healthy partnership;

  1. Instigate a repair attempt. Arguments can be healthy for a relationship as they bring up issues that need to be dealt with, and also show how passionate each partner is about the issue. However when we argue we tend to get overwhelmed, and focus on our own agenda whilst not listening to what our partner is trying to say to us. When either partner begins to feel flooded it is vital that there is a word, or a phrase, or even a signal, that both partners have agreed upon that means it’s time to end the argument and return to it sometime within the next 24 hours when you have calmed down.

 

  1. The ‘issue’ is not the issue. How often have you had a roaring argument over something seemingly insignificant? Why do we get so riled up over the little things? The truth is there is always something bigger lying behind the issue. Perhaps it is a feeling of abandonment, a fear of losing the relationship, or just not feeling understood. Finding the feelings behind the issue is the key to rebuilding that connection that you’ve lost along the way.

 

  1. Active listening. After you have had the opportunity to cool down following the instigation of a repair attempt, utilising an active listening process is a highly effective way of uncovering those hidden issues and feelings. In this process one person begins by stating how they feel about the issue in a non-judgemental and non-accusing manner. Utilising short blocks of dialogue, the speaker then pauses and allows the listener to repeat back exactly what was said, without any interpretation. They then continue in the same manner until they have said all they need to say, then the listener becomes the speaker and the process is reversed. This process allows both partners to elicit all of their feelings on an issue in a way that an argument doesn’t allow them to.

 

  1. Acceptance. Rather than focusing on your partner’s shortcomings, if you can instead see your differences as a gift that brought you together and allow you to learn and grow, you will begin to see each other in a new light. Accepting that your partner’s view of the world is different to yours can allow you to appreciate them for the unique person that they are. Often differences that appear to be frustrating can be re-interpreted as relationship strengthening assets. And it’s those differences that provide the spark in any relationship.


  1. Watch your language. So often the intentions of our words are not how they are interpreted by our partner. We may not intend to be accusatory, but it can easily come across that way if you do not choose your wording carefully. When you have an issue with your partner that you want to address, prefacing it with something positive about them will allow them to listen without feeling as though they are being judged or accused. And also stating how you feel, rather than how your partner makes you feel, is a much more productive approach to communicating.

Effectively resolving conflict can be a tricky process, but it is possible if you both are prepared to work at it. Maybe now is a good time to re-assess the way you communicate and ask if it’s working for you. If not, perhaps it’s time to begin a new way.

 I’ve been quiet here lately as I’ve been going through a huge growth process both internally and in my business as a kinesiologist.

I see myself not as a practitioner who has to set up a business to operate, but a businesswoman in the health and wellness industry. I have a mission to help people cultivate their highest potential and live their best lives by showing them ways to connect to their inner wisdom and transform their lives… so I’m looking for practical ways I can offer my services to as many clients as I can.

Every practitioner brings a different set of skills and a unique blend of flavour to his/her practice. I’ve been trying to find a way of  expressing all the work I do with my clients above and beyond my modality – kinesiology. And it hasn’t been an easy or straightforward process.

Firstly, I had to break through all the barriers inside me that told me I wasn’t good enough, neither as a kinesiologist, nor as a businesswoman. Then I had to re-write all my conditioning that told me my dreams were impossible to achieve… the conditioning that caused me to subconsciously self-sabotage. This spilled into my personal life too… I sabotaged my weight-loss efforts, believed I wasn’t creative so I wouldn’t complete my creative projects, I did’t accept positive feedback in my day job (I’m in non-for-profit management) and I wouldn’t permit myself to imagine myself as successful. Then, I had to figure out who my ideal clients were… Who would I like to spend most of my time with, who inspires me, who would push me to face my fears and be the best version of myself so I can guide them do same… I found that I am passionate about contributing to the wellbeing of members of the LGBTIQ community. I found that I considered myself a member of this community too and that I had many stories and experiences that allowed me to relate to the community like no other…

It was an intense process… Not only did I have to find the essence of my work, but I had to communicate that essence by writing my story and condensing all my life changing experiences into a couple of pages. I had to also express my story from the point of view of my ideal client so that they can relate to it too.

After weeks of searching and re-framing my mindset, I think I’ve arrived at some clarity. I didn’t do it alone of course. I have a wonderful business coach who has been guiding and inspiring me every step the way. She’s introduced me to a wonderful group of powerful women who are all going through a similar process and in them, I found the best counsel. My partner has been a wonderful sounding board and I’ve been lucky to have  incredible friends and family in my life who enlighten me through every interaction.

So now I’m in search of my visual brand. I’m learning how to express myself through my brand and this has meant countless hours on Pinterest, refining my visual expression skills. Today, I came across a picture that delighted me to no end and made my whole being smile. I’ve posted it here… Let me know your thoughts.

 

Next, I’m looking at how I can package my work so that I can add most value for my clients. I’ll be bringing this all together in the next couple of months…

The quality of your intimate relationship is directly responsible for your level of satisfaction in all areas of your life. Yet so many people put up with an unfulfilling relationship and don’t do anything about it. I see many people who know that they are not satisfied with their relationship, yet they find excuses not to do anything about it. Here are five of the most common excuses:

  1. It’s too expensive to see someone. My response is, ‘can you afford not to see someone?’ Ask yourself, what is this costing you? Being in an unhappy relationship has been proven to increase your likelihood of illness, reduce your chances of getting a promotion or a wage increase, and have a negative psychological impact on your children. Providing an example to your children of what a healthy relationship looks like is the greatest gift you can give your kids, so if you won’t do it for yourself, do it for them. And the cost of divorce can be astronomical, so seeing someone to help you grow your relationship is really just a small investment in your future.

 

  1. I’d like to do something about it, but my partner won’t come. This is a common scenario where one partner (often the female) sees the issues facing the relationship, whereas the other (often the male) steadfastly refuses to admit there is a problem. Women, by their very nature, will usually be more acutely attuned to the needs of the relationship, though this of course is not always the case. Either way, the reality is that if one person is not happy then the relationship needs work, and no one has the right to say how the other person should feel. Relationships need to be a partnership where you both work together to ensure the happiness of both partners. If your partner is struggling then it is your obligation to help them out and do what it takes to work things through. And if your partner won’t do it, then do it yourself and work out whether your relationship has the required mutual respect to be worthy of your continued investment.

 

  1. Relationships naturally deteriorate. Sometimes there is a misguided view that over time a relationship will lose its sparkle, so it’s best just to accept this and put up with less than what you want. But this doesn’t have to be the case. You can continually re-discover your passion, and keep re-inventing your relationship to keep it fresh and vibrant. I know that I personally fell into this trap in my previous marriage, and the result was allowing a disconnection to develop that ultimately led to the demise of the marriage. It doesn’t have to be this way though, and you will be surprised just how much your relationship can improve with the right guidance.

 

  1. My partner will never change. If you think that the only way your relationship will improve is if your partner changes, then you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain. The key is to accept you partner for who they are, flaws and all, and then work together to grow into the best version of you, and as a result create your best possible relationship. Having someone to help you do this can be crucial to your success.

 

  1. Better the devil you know. This one is rarely said, but it is without question one of the main reasons people don’t seek help. Humans naturally have a deep seated fear of the unknown, and it can be more comfortable to stay in an unhappy situation than to face the possibility of a different, uncertain future. Many people are afraid of what they may discover about themselves, or about what their partner may say about them. However opening yourself up, and being vulnerable, is one of the most liberating and powerful things you can do. Most relationship problems stem from misconceptions and misunderstandings, so opening up and sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings will enable your relationship to flourish in unexpected ways.

 Are you using any of these excuses for not working on your relationship? Perhaps now is a good time to drop the excuses and do something about it, for don’t you deserve to have that amazing relationship you have always dreamed of?

Book your COMPLIMENTARY 1 Hour introductory session with Matt today, bookings can be made via email or ph: 0416 211 424.

  • Offer valid until the end of July 2017

 

 

 

In every relationship there are times when the flame begins to flicker. Some couples are able to re-ignite the flame, whilst others never find the key to bringing the passion back into their relationship. So, what do those who maintain a successful and loving long-term relationship do differently? Here are seven possible answers;

  1. They focus on their partner’s positive attributes, and tell them how much they appreciate these qualities. Sometimes it can seem difficult to find these, and even harder to communicate them to your partner, but when you do it can change the dynamics of your relationship enormously.
  1. They listen. I mean REALLY listen. Ask your partner how they are feeling and then simply listen until they have said what they need to say. Remove judgement and show empathy to their feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree with what they are saying. If you don’t acknowledge your partner’s feelings they will feel unsupported and disrespected, and that is a certain passion killer! Truly listening builds a bridge between you that will re-connect you to the love and passion that you once had.
  1. They empower their partner. Try being your partner’s number one fan. When they are happy, join in and share their happiness. When they achieve something good then celebrate with them. Pop a bottle of champagne or go out to dinner. When they are going through a stressful time, stand beside them and let them know that you are there to support them.
  2. They work as a team. So often couples get so caught up in their power struggles they end up feeling like they’re on opposing teams. Try making a pact to get back on the same team, and to work together to solve whatever issues you may be facing. Chances are this approach will enable you to find solutions that you hadn’t previously thought of.
  1. They are adventurous. Couples who keep the spark alive aren’t afraid to try new things. If you feel stuck in a rut have a think about some things you could do that you normally wouldn’t do, and then just do them! Some may work for you, others mightn’t, but you will have fun trying and you will likely learn more about each other along the way.
  1. They treat each other the same way as they did when they first met. Couples often wonder why the passion has died, yet they no longer do the things that they did to capture their lover’s heart. Have a think back to those early days. What did you do then that you don’t do now? Try re-establishing some of those habits and your partner will love you for it!
  2. They commit to continuous improvement in their relationship. If something isn’t working they look at ways to find a solution that works for both of them. They believe that being in love is more important than being right, and accept that it’s ok not to have things exactly how they want them. If you have not made a commitment to continuous improvement, when is now a good time to start?

Matt Glover is a qualified Master Life Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Master Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. He is the founder of Happy and Healthy Relationships, and also runs a divorce support meet-up group to provide a forum for people trying to deal with the devastation of a broken relationship. He has a very gentle, easy going manner, and is passionate about helping people to live a wholehearted and abundant life. Book your COMPLIMENTARY 1 Hour introductory session with Matt today, bookings can be made via email or ph: 0416 211 424.

What burdens are you carrying from your family that prevents you from experiencing inner peace, ease and flow in your life?

Are you tired of carrying these burdens that don’t belong to you?

Are you ready to unlock the hidden dynamics of your ancestral lines that hold you back?

Have you tried a variety of healing modalities and therapies to help relieve these burdens and resolve longstanding issues that keep you stuck in your life story?

Are you willing to look and feel with naked truthfulness, acceptance and courage?

Are you finally ready to manifest the life you yearn to create???

Then keep reading………

Family Constellations is a psychodynamic and spiritual approach to resolving current problems by looking into family systems and ancestral lines. This therapeutic approach was developed in 1990 by Bert Hellinger- a German gestalt and systems psycho-therapist and a Roman Catholic priest, who spent many years in South Africa living with the Zulu people observing their family systems. We are all born into a family system and have a unique and special place in within it. Our family is the first place where we experience belonging, love, emotional safety, care, receiving and harmony. But as we all know, families aren’t always able to provide this in a balanced, loving and harmonious way. As children, out of deep and absolute love for our parents, we are willing to unconsciously carry their burdens in order to create a sense or safety and harmony in our family environment. As children, we also don’t have the capacity to create clear boundaries and voice what is right for us, and thus our needs are overlooked, dismissed or violated, resulting in emotional entanglements and disordering in the family system From this perspective current problems are perceived as stemming back to these entanglements, disorders (one example being a child carrying a parent emotionally) and exclusions (secrets). Sometimes we are not aware of past traumatic events that created the original disorder in our family lineage, but it gets passed on in our family’s soul both unconsciously and energetically. And we carry the burden of it!

The purpose of family constellation work is to re-harmonize a family system by reaching into the soul of a family with humility, respect and dignity. If you are willing to enter the experience of family constellation work with openness and curiosity about the experience, you will be sure to invite a newfound sense of freedom and lightness into your life.

So how does it work……….

In Family Constellations, the facilitator creates an open space for whatever needs to come out to come out. It uses a somatic approach and favors a whole body sensing and feeling experience over thinking and analyzing, to uncover hidden dynamics of the unconscious mind and soul. The facilitator will ask you to briefly describe an issue that is impacting you the most right now. The clearer you are about the issue, the deeper your constellation will go. The facilitator will then ask you to give some information about your current family, family or origin (parents) and both maternal and paternal grandparents. You will be asked about any major traumas in you family line such as death, divorce, migration, war, pregnancy loss and abuse. From the information you have given, the facilitator will decide who will be
represented in your constellation and you will be asked to choose people or objects to represent those people or issues. For example if your issue is depression, the facilitator will ask you to chose a person to represent yourself, your mother, father, possibly grandparents and depression and then place those people and issue in relation to yourself. These people are referred to as representatives. The facilitator will then guide the constellation based on feedback given by representatives on what they are feeling in the form of sensations in their body. You will then view your constellation unfold through the representatives, and will be asked to join the constellation when either you feel compelled to or when the facilitator thinks it’s appropriate for you to be included. You can choose to observe the entire constellation, however, it is a more powerful experience when you become part of it.

Family Constellation work can be facilitated through:

– Group workshops where other workshop participants will act as your representatives

– Individual sessions where the facilitator, floor anchors or objects will act as representatives.

– Hypno-constellations where the facilitator will ask you to bring your family and issue into your minds eye

Family Constellations can involve intense emotional releases and experiences and this is where the family soul experiences shifts, movements and freedom.
Family constellation work is brief, solution-focused therapy and issues can be transformed within 2-5 sessions. If you have engaged in counselling, personal
development or other healing modalities, then this will be a very brief intervention for you.

If this article had made you curious about this work, come along to our workshop Healing the Soul. Please see the events page on this website for further details.

If you prefer to work privately, book in for an individual session by contacting Yogahari Healing directly:

yogaharihealing.com

Eleni Kyrpigikidis is a qualified Social Worker and Counsellor, a certified Yoga Teacher, and Yoga Nidra teacher and a certified Family Constellation facilitator.